never really gone...

No time tonight to find a mood or an image...im slowly losing interest in deviant art. i know that some day i'll look back at it and decide i love it all over again, but for now i couldn't care less.

School starts in less than a week so im very busy trying to get everything done before that happens. I have books to read and journal as well as my job and the lawn and meetings and a whole bunch of crap that i just don't have the time for. but I want to drop it all and just spend time with someone new...who i don't understand at all, but who i wish i could know everything about.

shes an enigma really. I can't tell what she's thinking. shes beautiful and smart and funny and i love being around her and talking to her. I feel like the luckiest person alive because i met her. someday, i may regret those words, but for now i feel positive and there is certainly room to grow.

I came back from camp last saturday and have been busy ever since. I was at my dad's for a few days, and then i worked all day today and went to drivers ed. soon i will finish that and be free. i'll have a licence and be able to travel wherever my heart desires. ahhh....can't wait.

running camp was awesome. too awesome to describe and i did too many dumb/funny things to tell about them all. i want to go back there so much, so my goal is to run a 4:30 mile by the end of the year and to run a 17:00 5k. They are very high goals, but i really want to go back to that camp as a counselor and those are the numbers i need.

lately i've been thinking about college and what i want to do with my life. i am seriously considering not going to college at all and instead traveling and living life and meeting people. sure its not a real solid plan, but its something i want to think more about and possibly pursue. time will help me decide.

thats all for now cause its late. i'll be around with more updates soon.

where are you? and where am I?

Blog Image:

Music: trying some spill canvas
Mood:

And as the summer's ending,
The cold air will rush your hard heart away
You were so condescending:
And this is all that's left.
Scraping paper to document
I've packed a change of clothes and it's time to move on.

gotta love death cab. makes me excited because the OC is coming back in november! YAY! i can hardly wait. So i've been on an anime binge the last couple days. i watched 2 whole series and half of a third. Ghost in the Shell: Stand Alone Complex, Battle Programmer Shirase, and Ghost in the Shell: Stand Alone Complex 2nd GIG. love Ghost in the Shell. can't wait for the second movie to be released in the US.

I taught myself how to add subtitles to movies this week. Its a lot of fun to do, even if it is boring and tedious, but i love seeing my work pay off. hopefully i'll be able to join a fansub group and be a timer or a typesetter. that would be cool.

next week im going away to running camp. I'll be gone, so don't bother to message me (im secretly hoping there is a cyber cafe or something nearby. maybe an arcade with DDR, that would be awesome). hopefully i'll meet some super hot chick there and have a really fun time at camp. yeah....thats the game plan folks.

the summer is ending....which means school....and homework...and no time whatsoever. its all good tho, im a senior now. nya (japanese cat noise). My plans include getting to know the jap exchange student and learning a crap-load of japanese. yeah...good plan.

ok: crucial part of blog where i tell something important. theres this girl that i was like obsessed with since.....like last february. she lived a little more than an hour away but i had met her at a track meet and then thought she was the coolest thing since sliced bread. so i talked to her for the longest time and always thought that maybe one day we could date or something, or at least hang out. we never did hang out, and i got really upset at times because i was sure that she didn't care for me at all even tho i wanted her to so much.

so the other night we were talking online (as we normally did) and we started talking about religion. she proclaimed herself a strict atheist and revealed a horribly dismal outlook on life. i was stunned. she was raised catholic but chose not to believe in God. I myself was raised without a particular religion and i have more faith in God every day. she came off as a complete cynic....very different from who i thought she was. and thats when i realised that just because we liked the same things on the surface level, and that i thought she was a great person, it didn't make us very compatible. i used to think we'd make the perfect couple, but my whole outlook suddenly changed.

i had tried to remove her from my life before so that i could stop liking her. i knew it would never work out but i wanted it to so badly, and it was hurting me. but everytime i tried i still ended up coming back. now all of a sudden i feel released. i know that i wouldn't want to date her, because there are things about her that i wouldn't be able to stand. that we are too different on a much deeper level. so now it is easy to remove her, and i have. and i feel all the better for it. nothing against her, but i just feel so good to be finally free.

have a good week everyone!

and a pocket full of shells

Blog Image:

Music: emo diaries stuff
Mood:

i am very tired. why? because i was up late playing doom 3 and had to get up early and go to work. awesome game. i think its the most visually stunning and most terrifying game i've ever played.

the blog image really describes how i feel-ish. school is coming, like everybody says, and i have so much to do before it gets here. i don't think i want to be a senior. i just don't fit it right. yesterday at drivers ed someone i hadn't seen for a while asked me if i was my brother, not that i have a brother, but they asked me if i was because i looked different. they didn't specify if that was a good or bad thing, but whatever. i hope that people notice that im different, and that i can be different, once school starts again. this is my last chance to change for everyone i go to school with, cause after that im gone.

i thought harold and kumar go to white castle was one of the funniest movies ever. i loved it, tho im not sure why. it was just so cool and funny and dumb. i also managed to see the notebook. i personally love romantic films, so i enjoyed this very much. the 40's and 50's seem to be the golden years. romance today just doesn't seem to be as....cool as it was back then. i have a whole bunch of movies i have to watch so i'll give you some decent reviews once i see them.

im having a moral dilemma. i know that i said that i didn't want to spend money on a new video card.....but now i also want some speakers. logitech z-680 5.1 surround sound speakers for my computer, along with a spiffy new video card. i figure if i really want it i should buy iy, because when else will i have the money to do it? in the end i'll be glad that i bought it and be happy...i hope.

its time to watch Mean Girls so i'm gonna go, and stay away from the nasty food they serve around the corner...i hear it gets people REALLY sick...