Waking Up To Yellow

With hopes of starting over...

it seems that everything i say today has to do with the starting line. i guess the race has started but i haven't even reached the start. so if this isn't the start, where am i? these senseless ramblings really are a pain to deal with i'm sure, but its just pouring out of my head.

ugh. whats the use of this thing anyway? if your looking for something interesting, go live your life. don't try to feed off mine. you'll starve. but all joking aside, there's nothing here that you can't find by yourself. If you want to know about my day, just ask. If you want to know all my secret thoughts, ask me. if you want to see a counterfeit version of who i am, read this so i can feed you bull. makes you want to stick around doesn't it? Well i don't, but it seems i have no choice in the matter.

so what should i fill this with? my secret loves, my likes and dislikes, what i thought of the movie i saw the other day? how about spanish work? yeah 28 sentences. if you can't do it right by the third then you obviously don't get it. and if you can, why repeat it 25 more times? it feels like a giant waste to me. but what do i know, im just an angry and confused 17 year old. "you don't know what you don't know." thats what they say, which must mean someone knows what i don't know. so tell me oh mnipotent one, what don't i know? that reminds me of stewie from family guy. "omnipotence: gotta get me some of that, hmmm..." i started watching that show, its funny, don't think i'll care about it in 30 years.

is that the only stuff worth promoting? the stuff that will last until the next decade? how long will angst be in for? when will teenagers find another theme and then make all the music about angst obsolete? when will i stop asking questions? ever? is that the end, when we don't have anything to ask anymore?

it's happening again, just so you know. im getting nothing done again, my grades are turning into putrid pools of....crap basically. i don't see the point in any of it. why practice what you've mastered? why spend an hour doing something old when you can learn something new? i think i have ADD. nay, i know i have it, i know i can't focus. i know i won't take medication either. its just one of those things i don't like about society. when we talk about overcoming adversity, if we medicate you till your barriers are gone how proud can you be? im just stubborn. i don't know why i say that kind of stuff. i hate society, but i can't change it. might as well just fit in.

i give up. no, i won't tell you what song i have on repeat, and no i won't try to label my emotions with a cute emoticon. no i won't give you a picture. i'm going to leave you empty and let you fill the gaps yourself. "oh piss it!"