honk if you like....

Blog Image:

Music: TBS TBS TBS you get the idea
Mood:

i started drivers ed. its the biggest waste of time. ever. but its something that has to be done if you know what i mean. theres no way around it. you don't care. nuff said.

i got out the other night and hung out with some kids from work. we played SNES (super nintendo) and i had a good time. its the first time i've hung out with kids in a couple months, so it felt good.

the TBS cd is rockin'. i love it a lot. its a lot of the same thing as their other album, and therefore i love it. yeah...im sure it'll grow on me and i'll have something profound and meaningful to say about it, but until then just listen to it.

i have an inner conflict: should i spend $300+ or not? its to upgrade my video card so i can play doom 3 and kick ass. if you don't know what that means, don't worry about it. i also want to start playing FFXI. its about time you know? but school will start soon and my mom is ready to kill me as it is. im not sure why but it has something to do with me not doing college application stuff and being on the computer all the time, and this would just cause more of that to happen. i don't know what to do. oh well.

once again...i want a girl companion that i can make out with and look at and feel proud. not easy to find. damn. be sure to tell me if you meet any nice single girls that are looking for a guy like me. thanks in advance.

oh, and the blog image. damn fine looking. d-d-d-damn! yeah, thats all. so until next time, don't feed the squirrels.

its not me shes longing for

Blog Image:

Music: Taking Back Sunday - stuff from the new album "Where You Want To Be"
Mood:

take a look at the gallery of the girl in the image. shes very beautiful. very very beautiful. and i have no idea what kind of mood that is but it looked odd, so i posted it.

i downloaded the new taking back sunday CD. good stuff. some of it i had heard before, and some other stuff is new. the full magnificence has yet to decend upon me, but im sure that it will sooner or later. if you know me in person and want a copy just ask and i'll burn you one. you can always use kazaa or bittorrent (i know theres a torrent for this CD) if you don't know me in person. or contact me, i can always send you the files.

title means that i had let my mind play tricks on me but with further evidence i determined that it wasn't me, not even close. oh well. i don't think it was ever me. i think its funny that the people we want to want us never do and the people that we couldn't care if they did are the ones that do. a guy i work with told me this when i told him that i was just looking for a nice pretty girl that i could talk to, and make out with: thats what everybodys looking for, but its kind of like driving around looking for the perfect resturant. eventually you get hungry, say fuck it, and go to macdonalds. afterwards you aren't so hungry so you keep on looking. and the cycle repeats.

she told me once that if i wasn't so far away she'd date me. i didn't believe her, but i really wanted to. it makes me wonder if she ever wanted anything at all. Why Bother Wondering When Wondering's All You Got. Moneen song titles are so meaningful. they're also REALLY long.

how can you miss something that you never even had?

i hate you. no i don't, do i?

Blog Image:

Music: Scooter - The Logical Song
Mood:

im getting really bi-polar and i hate it. i happy one minute and totally wrecked the next. not a cool way to live life. im not really bi-polar but i think the instability of my emotions is caused by the instability of my life. no, my home life is fine. its my personal social life that is....dormant, stagnant, dead. and every false hope that the situation might change rocks my foundations. i feel like i will perpetually remain in this limbo. it really sucks.

saying i need to wait till college is probably true, and also painful to think about. i'd hate to wish away the final year of high school to get to college. fuck it. it doesn't matter anyway. what will wishing change?

im listing to dance/house/trance. i feel so great when i do. the artist is forced to pick one sound-byte. and then they do all sorts of beats, but that sound-byte becomes the central piece. its always filled with meaning. unlike the empty lyrics of so many songs. maybe thats why i like this kind of music so much.

i saw spiderman 2. didn't like it. nuff said.

one of my computers broke. i think its a sign to stop using them. maybe it is. when i get bored enough i'll repair it. yeah....

go die. i hate you all. fuck everything. im feeling angry. grrrrrr.

deviant art

Blog Image:

Music: little more MSI
Mood:

ok, so bakc to back posts don't really make sense. except in this case where the previous post meant nothing. All my blog images are girls. why? i don't know. it must be something about them. also how i love talking to them. just talking. yeah, i do it a lot online. in fact most of the people i talk to are girls. yeah...

so i love the DA community, just because it is so diverse. i've never been part of anything quite as diverse before. plus everyone there is artsy, which is cool. I used to not be comfortable giving people favorites, and instead i saved all the images i liked to my computer. and then i realised that my standards were to high so i stopped saving them and started making them favorites. much better that way.

I've found all sorts of people on there, and im not really inclined to comment about any in particular, or give any details, but.....i just love it there and the disfunctionalism, and the different lifestyles, and just everything. i feel like i belong, even though im closer to the norm.

i miss you, when are you coming home?

i sneak up and hit you like a fuckin' tornado

Blog Image:

Music: Mindless Self Indulgence
Mood:

i spent the day at work today. i helped out blah blah blah....nobody gives a damn. down, get down, gettin' down with my bad self....

you ain't no operator, so who the fuck are you then? i am the king of nothing and the God of less. hook me up to the machine. numb.

i wanna be
wanna be
wanna be
wanna be
wanna be
wanna be
pretty

what else is there to say to the raven? nevermore? is this art?

i think its beautiful...left right left ri
midgets jack me off? MSI
ahhhh

its very perverse. pardon the languge. neocell. matrix. lain. accela. navi. wired. cami-sama.

naruto. blood on the pages, sic transit.. 2 dots 3 dots. blood and semen...not together but seperate.

where ate i going with this and that. it makes up the world, are, not ate, not 8.

8's. crazy 8's. 888...

ok, so i just said all the random stuff i could think of....hope it made blogging interesting. hope so. no? who gives a damn? not me, thats for sure.

on a side plate, should i add images to the body of the blog? should i? maybe? yes no? comment? vote? orgasm? breathe?

watching movies by myself, hit me.

up she goes, up she goes...

Blog Image:

Music: ocean sounds
Mood:

yeah, i just thought of that song from titanic. don't know why. i just watch i, robot. it was pretty bad-ass. still need to see spiderman 2 and i want to see that new bourne flick.

update: life since i last blogged. I have started a web-comic with my sister. its called forget me crew. i need to make the site beautiful, but the comic is still up FMCrew.

i bought a PS controller -> USB converter (http://www.lik-sang.com/) for the computer. I can use PS2 controllers as joypads (use it to play games). i can use it for emulators, like an SNES emulator that i was using to play Megaman X. good game. I played it as a kid but was never able to beat it. so i decided that i had to beat it in order to feel complete as a person. can you believe that i had made it to the last boss as a kid but could never beat him? and i unlocked everything without help from anyone!? i couldn't either. so i simply went through the game, beat the boss, and felt content. i also played it with a PS2 controller which just made me feel so cool.

I bought another DDR pad, this time it was a nice one with a foam insert. I bought it from a lan center in Meriden. its a Cypher Games Ignition Pad and i love it. so i can also play Stepmania (a DDR simulator for the computer with thousands of available songs) with my converter and PS2 pads. I feel like one lucky guy.

I'm getting pretty good at DDR. i can do most 6, 7, and 8 step songs and get a C or better first try. I've only been playing for about 3 months so im doing just fine. I think everyone should play. its a good game, and after you get over the fact that you feel kinda silly, you can really have fun with it.

the reason i stopped posting: i thought that i was being horribly manipulative. it happened at a point where i was feeling really depressed because someone else was obsessing over a guy that wasn't me and that bothered me because i was trying to be a really nice guy and be there for them and so on and they just kind of ignored me and didn't seem to appreciate anything i did so i got angry and screwed it up and them we stopped talking cause i made her cry about about a bunch of bullshit that i said that i shouldn't have and i was just trying to make her leave those guys that were nothing but trouble anyway and look to me instead. yeah, i think thats all of it. so i thought that i was a natural douche and that i shouldn't blog. and after time i saw that i was right not to blog, because anything that i did say would have had some undertone relating to her and that would have been bad so its a good thing. i don't even know if she reads this. oh well.

:deep breath: ah, now i feel better. the summer just keeps going on, and me with it, and soon it'll be over so i have to do some real work now instead of just hang out all the time. yeah, my time is up. boo-hoo.

i'll leave something special for all of you tomorrow too. i'll think of you if you think of me, while you stare at those boys with your dark black hair.....i hate it when i go into poet mode. later.

where have i been?

Blog Image:

Music: Copeland
Mood:

theres been a little bit of late night hell since i blogged last. i thought i was through with it, mostly because i thought i had found some really bad stuff about me and hated myself for it and decided that blogging wasn't a good idea. as usual i was just over reacting and making some sort of sick drama ploy to my inner consciousness.

well, i got over it, as usual. and now that i have recovered (whatever doesn't kill you only makes you stronger) i can resume my daily blogging. I actually don't have much to say for right now, except that if you want a free iPod mini, go to this link and read the shit about it. its real, im doing it, and you should too. thats it.

drinking sucks

Blog Image:

Music: Daft Punk
Mood:

yeah, so i was home all alone, and i was curious, and so i decided that i wanted to know how muchi could drink. really bad idea. drinking is a bad idea in the first place, but doing it alone, with the sole purpose to get drunk, is even worse.

so i had about 3 shots of 80 proof liquor (i was taking a little bit from each bottle so that no one would notice). and then i started to barely feel it. after 4-5 i was definately buzzed. once i got to 8 i was drunk, but not sick yet. i could still function....except that things had a tendancy to spin. u should have stopped there, packed everything up, and went to bed.

instead i had anywhere from 2 to 4 more, i lost count somewhere. by then everything was moving, and my stomach was not feeling very happy. everything i remember is very blurred...i know that i vomitted, but i can't remember doing it. i have AIM conversation logs of me panic-ing because i drank too much. and when i woke up everything in the house was clean and there was no sign that i had been drinking. i don't remember taking my clothes off or getting into bed, but i woke up just fine.

so i still felt ill all day today. like my stomach was not happy. and i still feel it. I'm praying that in the morning all the effects will be gone...because when i woke up i was still buzzed. it has mostly faded, with the nasty feeling in my stomach being the only lasting effect. at least i didn't have a hangover (somewhere around shot 5 i started drinking lots of water).

what have i learned: drinking sucks. my tolerance. what it feels like to be buzzed/drunk.

was it worth it?: maybe...but i should have stopped at shot #7 and saved myself some vomiting and sickness.

really interesting experience....feel free to tell me how much of a dumbass i am.

all alone

Blog Image:

Music: Coldplay - Yellow
Mood:

Look at the stars
Look how they shine for you
And everything you do
Yeah, they were all yellow...

So its 4th of July weekend and I'm spending it alone. My family has decided to ditch me and go visit friends. I have to work tonight, so I'm staying home all alone. party anyone? no, I haven't got enough friends for a party, and I'm still feeling all wierd. I'm one of those people whos's afraid of big groups of people. I just feel like I don't belong. And then I want to stand out so I do something stupid.

I also want to get drunk one of these days. There are times when I'm really excited about it, and other times where I'm scared about what might happen. drinking to get drunk is stupid, but I feel that im missing out. that maybe getting drunk will make me fit in better. i doubt it, and now i don't really want to get drunk. the other reason was I wanted to know my limit. I've been drinking with my family before (out to dinner and I get to drink some of their drink) and I've had about 4-5 drinks in an hour after dinner and didn't feel a thing. Maybe it was a fluke? maybe it was only because I had eaten? I'm not sure, but I'm still curious about it.

Next week I'm going to my dad's house. I haven't seen the guy in what feels like forever and so I'm really excited about going. I'm gonna be there for most of the week, because I can't see him on weekends because I work.

thats all for now, more later, hasta luego hombres!

downward spiral

Blog Image:

Music: Death Cab For Cutie - Transatlanticism
Mood:

I'm going down. down. down. I'm falling so fast that I can feel the wind whip past my face as I plummet. I know that sounds overly imagistic and emotional, and it really is, but I just suddenly have the urge to cry. I'm a guy, im not supposed to feel this way!

I think it has something to do with my inner pain that I am never included in anything. the fact that no one likes me enough to just invite me along. I think maybe I should invite myself, and go on my own without being asked. But thats so hard when you don't have a car/transportation. And it just makes me feel like total shit.

I feel so empty. and yet so full of sadness. I want a relationship. I think i want one, who knows what I really want. I want to want to be around someone for no other reason than that i love them. and i want that person to feel the same about me.

Everything is in flux, and nothing stays the same. I'm going to go brood and be silent and let things fall apart some more. things are going to get worse before they get better so I'm bracing for the worst. talk to you later folks.

Marlon Brando...

Blog Image:

Music: Silence
Mood:

The Godfather died today at 80 years of age. damn.

In other news, the worlds most dangerous web browser, Internet Explorer, has been deemed very dangerous. yeah, the department of homeland security has suggested that people use an alternate browser. I like Mozilla (the browser, e-mail client, and calendar) or Firefox (just the browser). Also if you're still using Microsoft Outlook or Outlook Express, Check out Thunderbird, Mozilla's e-mail client. All are free and easy to adjust to for IE users. get your copy today. For a short tutorial to uninstalling IE, see the article at NewsForge.

I was watching this VH1 show about Fear Factor. I'm not really into watching that kind of stuff, but i'd love to be on the show. As some people I work with know, I have an "iron stomach" and i can eat just about anything without any serious side effects. I also have an odd sense of taste. To eat wierd stuff on TV would be so cool....

I think I'm going to start doing a "picture of the day" from Deviant Art. I'll do one with each post, and if you click it you get to fullview the image. It sounds like a cool idea...now if i can just get it to work.

I work tonight, and since the population in my town triples in the summer time (10,000 people to 30,000 + the people that come to for Stop & Shop, Blockbuster, Ocean State Job Lot, and all the other cool stores we have) I'm hoping that the resturant will be REALLY BUSY. I want to make a lot of money....obviously. anyway, I'll prolly post after work and share how the night went. Something always happens at work....

stupid hornet

Music: Brand New - I Will Play My Game Beneath The Spin Light
Mood:

---

I got bit by a hornet (or angry buzzing variant) today while mowing the lawn. that bastard. bit me right on the leg, he did. my leg still hurts, and is kinda tight around the area...

I started installing linux on my sisters computer, soon it will be all finished and i'll have the most bad-ass linux computers in town . I could include more, but there aren't any linux/computer buffs that read this. for a flame war about if linux or windows is better: Linux vs. Windows: What's The Difference?

I also kinda broke off my friends with benefits deal. it wasn't my complete intention, but she kept insisting that i sneak out of the house late at night to visit her. I told her no, that i wasn't really enjoying the whole thing, and that what i really wanted was a girlfriend and not someone to just fool around with. she got mad, and thats the end of that. she said lots of things like "i should have listened to my friends" and more stuff like that. why do i have a funny feeling that most of my future relationships will end this way?

I had a dream last night that i was having sex with someone. thats the first time i've ever managed to have sex in a dream. the downside was that I didn't end up getting off and it ended in a really weird way...it involved school and a few other things. i shouldn't be having school/sex dreams this early in the summer, i need another month to cool off.

I also went to the library today to research colleges. I found one of those Peterson/Thompson books that gives you an overview of the college. I looked at 11 colleges that a college councilor suggested, and I found out a few interesting things. I'm going to have to do further research, then i'll decide which ones I want to visit.

The 11 colleges are: (+=good, ++=great, O=neutral, -=not intersted, ?=no idea)
1. Princeton: +
2. Brown: -
3. MIT: O
4. Carnegie Mellon: ++
5. Bucknell: O
6. Lafayette: O
7. Lehigh: +
8. Stevens Institute of Technology: +
9. Rensselaer: O
10. University of Rochester: -
11. Wocester Polytechnic Institute: ?

I couldn't find any info on WPI. Feel free to comment on the colleges.

COOLEST THING. EVER.

Music: more trance...trance spreeeee!
Mood:

---

HOMEMADE FLAMETHROWER!!

I don't know if i sohuld repeat that or what, but check it out....greatest thing ever...