even tho im busy....

yeah, so im supposed to be so busy that i don't have time for this. but i saw someone's away message, and it had something related to beer, and that sent me over the edge. i know im not perfect, and that i've been drunk, and that if it was ok for me to do it why isn't it ok for others. basically i got drunk once with others, and i decided not to do it again after that. i don't like the way it makes me feel, and i think it only makes you feel like you're having a good time, even when you aren't.

this leads me to the main qualities i want in a girl. i've always felt that i needed someone, and i don't think that i need to be dating someone, or that i NEED someone, but i just want that close relationship. and so often i find it hard to form that because of personality traits that i just don't agree with.

I don't agree with smoking, drinking, or drugs, and i wouldn't want to be around someone that did.

I want someone who is real. i want someone that speaks their mind and has an opinion.

I want someone who enjoys being close. i don't mean sexually close, but just a warm friendly extroverted person.

I want someone who has one great passion or desire. a dream that they want to work towards.

I want someone who is fit and possibly athletic. i think physical fitness is just as important as cleanliness. you should respect yourself enough to be fit.

I want someone who is a hands on person, someone who isn't afraid to get their hands dirty and has the confidence to try new things.

I want someone that respects others.

those are really the core traits i look for in another person. those are more important than what music you listen to, or what you look like, or what you wear, or where you live, or anything like that. even if you were everything i wanted you to be, except for these traits, i wouldn't want to be around you.

yeah, not sure why i felt like i had to say all that, but i just wanted you all to know.

some more of this

each day seems so short, yet so long. and nothing new ever seems to happen, but many things change each day. yeah, so basically its life....

new things: hamlet, WISE project, gattaca, college...

wow, i have so much to do tonight and i haven't done any of it. gotta go!

i was there

photoshop powers! 

yeah, so i have extreme photoshop skills (so not so extreme, but you'd think it was me).

original: here

Waking Up To Yellow

With hopes of starting over...

it seems that everything i say today has to do with the starting line. i guess the race has started but i haven't even reached the start. so if this isn't the start, where am i? these senseless ramblings really are a pain to deal with i'm sure, but its just pouring out of my head.

ugh. whats the use of this thing anyway? if your looking for something interesting, go live your life. don't try to feed off mine. you'll starve. but all joking aside, there's nothing here that you can't find by yourself. If you want to know about my day, just ask. If you want to know all my secret thoughts, ask me. if you want to see a counterfeit version of who i am, read this so i can feed you bull. makes you want to stick around doesn't it? Well i don't, but it seems i have no choice in the matter.

so what should i fill this with? my secret loves, my likes and dislikes, what i thought of the movie i saw the other day? how about spanish work? yeah 28 sentences. if you can't do it right by the third then you obviously don't get it. and if you can, why repeat it 25 more times? it feels like a giant waste to me. but what do i know, im just an angry and confused 17 year old. "you don't know what you don't know." thats what they say, which must mean someone knows what i don't know. so tell me oh mnipotent one, what don't i know? that reminds me of stewie from family guy. "omnipotence: gotta get me some of that, hmmm..." i started watching that show, its funny, don't think i'll care about it in 30 years.

is that the only stuff worth promoting? the stuff that will last until the next decade? how long will angst be in for? when will teenagers find another theme and then make all the music about angst obsolete? when will i stop asking questions? ever? is that the end, when we don't have anything to ask anymore?

it's happening again, just so you know. im getting nothing done again, my grades are turning into putrid pools of....crap basically. i don't see the point in any of it. why practice what you've mastered? why spend an hour doing something old when you can learn something new? i think i have ADD. nay, i know i have it, i know i can't focus. i know i won't take medication either. its just one of those things i don't like about society. when we talk about overcoming adversity, if we medicate you till your barriers are gone how proud can you be? im just stubborn. i don't know why i say that kind of stuff. i hate society, but i can't change it. might as well just fit in.

i give up. no, i won't tell you what song i have on repeat, and no i won't try to label my emotions with a cute emoticon. no i won't give you a picture. i'm going to leave you empty and let you fill the gaps yourself. "oh piss it!"